Dying process: stages, signs and support for loved ones

Dealing with a dying person: What relatives should know

A loved one is in the last hours of life — a situation that is emotionally stressful for loved ones, but also full of meaning. Many ask themselves: How can I best support the dying person? What am I supposed to say? What can I do to comfort him?

These uncertainties are completely normal. It is particularly important that the dying person does not feel alone and is in an environment that gives him peace.

How do you talk to a dying person?

Communicating during the last stages of life can be difficult, especially when the dying person has little response. However, there are a few principles that can help:

Dos

• Speak calmly and clearly — The dying person often still hears voices, even if he no longer answers.
• Responding to needs — ask if he needs anything, but don't force an answer.
• Share memories — many dying people like to hear beautiful stories about their lives.
• Express gratitude — Phrases such as “Thank you for always being there for me” can provide comfort.

Don'ts

• Overwhelm the dying with too many words — sometimes silence is more valuable.
• Avoiding unpleasant topics — if the dying person wants to talk about their death, they should not be interrupted or appeased.
• Make false promises — Phrases such as “You'll be better again” can be confusing.

Even when words are missing: Hold your hand or simply stay there. Proximity can be more comforting than any conversation.

Give comfort with personal gestures

Not only words but also gestures play an important role. Physical closeness and sensitive actions can show the dying person that he is not alone.

Possible gestures that may help:

• Gentle touches — hold a hand, caress your forehead
• Play favorite music or soothing sounds.
• Candles or dim lighting create a pleasant atmosphere.
• Use scents — lavender or other calming aromas can have a beneficial effect.
• Put a photo or a little reminder on the bed.

Everyone is different — listen to your feelings and to the wishes of the dying person.

How does a dying person say their goodbyes?

Saying goodbye is an individual process. Some people withdraw and barely speak anymore, others feel the need to consciously say goodbye to their loved ones.

Typical signs of a conscious farewell:

• The dying person utters last words or wishes.
• He consciously makes eye contact or squeezes his hand.
• It shows a brief moment of clarity before consciousness fades away.

Not every dying person can actively say their goodbyes — that doesn't mean they feel less love.

How can relatives say their goodbyes?

• Say goodbye in your own words: “I'm here. I'll never forget you. ”
• Give peace: “You can go, we'll take care of everything. ”
• Expressing forgiveness: “It's all good. Thank you ”

The last moment with a loved one is precious. Memovida accompanies you with sensitive advice and support.

Myths and common questions about the dying process

The dying process is an issue that many people view with uncertainty or anxiety. Myths and half-truths often circulate about what happens when you die and how people experience death. In this section, we answer common questions and clear up misunderstandings so that relatives can approach the topic with more knowledge and confidence.

Can the dying process be stopped?

No, the natural process of dying cannot be stopped or reversed. When a person is in the final phase of life, this is an irreversible biological process.

But: The process can be facilitated by palliative measures. Modern pain therapies and sensitive care help to minimize suffering and enable a peaceful transition.

Do dying people feel pain?

Many people are afraid that dying is associated with severe pain. But thanks to modern palliative care, effective pain relief can almost always be achieved.

• Some dying people are restless or show signs of discomfort — but that doesn't necessarily mean they're in pain.
• It is often more of an inner restlessness or change of breath that relatives perceive as painful.
• Palliative care providers make sure to accompany the dying person as comfortably as possible.

Important for relatives: Calming touches, gentle words, and a calm environment can often have just as much effect as medication.

What happens to consciousness when you die?

• In the terminal phase, many people withdraw into themselves, sleep a lot or appear absent.
• Scientists assume that hearing remains active as the last sensory organ.
• Shortly before death, there may be a moment of “terminal clarity” — the dying appear awake and approachable again for a short time.

Even if someone is no longer responding, they can often still hear. Words of farewell or soft music can therefore provide comfort.

What is “rattle breathing” and is it painful?

• The so-called rattle breathing occurs when secretion collects in the respiratory tract because the swallowing reflex decreases.
• It often sounds frightening to relatives, but is not unpleasant for the dying person himself.
• A slightly elevated head position can help reduce noise.

Reassuring to know: Rattling breathing is a normal sign of imminent death and not an indication of suffering.

How long does the dying process take?

The duration of the dying process varies from person to person and depends on many factors, such as the underlying disease or general health status.

• In the last weeks and days The dying person usually gets weaker, sleeps a lot and barely eats anymore.
• In the last hours Irregular breathing, cold skin, and loss of consciousness occur before death.
• The actual time of death can occur within minutes or hours.

Relatives should not rely on an exact time — the body follows its own rhythm.

Is dying always a slow process?

Not always. While many people die slowly from illness or age-related weakness, there are also sudden deaths from:

• heart attack or stroke
• accidents
• Acute illnesses, such as a serious infection