How to write an empathic condolence card

Writing a grief card can be challenging, especially if you want to express your feelings in an empathetic and appropriate way. With such a card, you want to give comfort and sympathy to someone who has suffered a loss.

In this article, we'll give you practical tips and examples to help you write a sincere and respectful grief card. Regardless of whether you already know what you want to write or are still looking for the right words — here you will find suggestions that will make the process easier for you and at the same time show genuine appreciation.

Understanding the point of a condolence card

A condolence card is a way to express sympathy to someone who has lost a loved one. It gives you the opportunity to show your support at a time when it is often difficult to find the right words. By writing a card, you support a person during the time of grief, even when you can't be with them in person.

A physical condolence card is more than just words on paper. It becomes a tangible symbol of care and comfort that the grieving person can keep, read over and over again and pick up in difficult moments. She silently reminds that she is not alone in this difficult time and that others are thinking of her.

Sending a condolence card also shows respect for the deceased person. It signals to the mourner or family that you cherish the memory of the deceased person and that the loss is also close to you.

Key elements of an empathetic condolence card

The salutation

The right greeting sets the tone of your condolence card. It is the first impression that your words make, so it is important to choose a respectful and appropriate way of speaking.

Start with a simple and sensitive greeting, such as “Dear [name].” This instantly makes the message personal and creates a connection. Show that you're speaking to the person directly, which makes your words more authentic and approachable.

Avoid phrases that are either too colloquial or too formal. A “hello [name]” could seem inappropriate at such a sad moment, while “Dear [name]” might appear too distant. A good balance of warmth and respect is crucial here.

Express condolences

When writing a condolence card, it is particularly important to express your sympathy sincerely and sensitively. You want to show that you empathize with the grieving person and that you share in your loss.

Start with a simple and compassionate statement about the loss of the grieving person. Phrases such as “I am extremely sorry that you had to suffer this loss” or “My thoughts are with you during this difficult time” are sensitive and appropriate. These first lines set the tone and make it clear that your words come from the heart. Use the form of address (you/you) that you otherwise use for the grieving person.

After that, you should acknowledge the emotionality of the situation. Even if you don't know exactly how the person is feeling, it is important to recognize their pain and show sympathy. For example, you could say, “I can't imagine how bad it must be for you, but I'm here for you.” This allows you to show understanding without empathizing with or evaluating the recipient's feelings.

Be sure to phrase the message warmly and compassionately. Avoid language that is too formal or aloof, as it could come across as impersonal or cold. Instead, try to choose your words so that they are approachable and understanding.

Share a personal reminder (optional)

When you write a condolence card, it can be nice to include a personal reminder of the person who died to make your words more personal and comforting. A short anecdote or reminder can help survivors remember the positive experiences they shared with the deceased person. Try to pick a reminder that reflects the person's character and expresses your special connection to them.

For example, you could mention the following:

• A friendly gesture that particularly moved you.
• A shared moment of laughter or happiness that has highlighted the deceased person's personality.
• An experience in which the deceased person supported you in an important situation.
• A photo of you with the deceased person could also provide comfort to your loved ones.

Keep your words short and concise. Always pay attention to the tone of the message and the nature of your relationship with the deceased person and their family. This is how you ensure that your writing is appropriate and doesn't overwhelm anyone during this difficult time.

Provide assistance

Offering support to survivors in times of grief can give them great comfort. When you write a condolence card, it's important to signal to the recipient that you're there for them.

Instead of making general offers like “Let me know if you need anything,” it's better to be specific about how you can help. This makes it easier for the grieving person to understand what exactly you're offering and encourages them to come back to your support when needed. Examples of practical help include:

• The offer to run errands, such as shopping or pick up medicines from the pharmacy.
• Prepare and deliver meals to relieve stressful or emotional days
• To offer help around the house, for example when cleaning or doing laundry.

Emotional support is just as important. Often, the grieving person simply needs someone who is willing to listen. You can show that by offering to be there anytime she wants to talk. An honest offer such as “I'm here for you whenever you want to talk or need someone to listen” can be really helpful.

Don't forget to emphasize the authenticity of your support. It's important to make it clear to the recipient that they can reach out to you at any time without creating pressure or expectations.

Concluding words

The conclusion of a condolence card deserves special sensitivity. Your closing words should be both comforting and respectful without being overwhelming in order to give a sensitive final impression.

Here are a few tips for completing your card tactfully:

• Use a gentle phrase, such as “With deep compassion” or “With loving memory,” to express your sympathy.
• Express your support, for example: “I am thinking of you and wish you a lot of strength” or “My thoughts are with you.”
• Sign in person, with your name, or relationship with the recipient to add a warm and authentic touch to the degree.