sorrow is individual — Comparing alternative models of grief
The well-known model of the five phases of grief according to Kübler-Ross provides orientation, but it is not suitable for everyone. Grief is a personal process, which is influenced by many factors, such as the relationship with the deceased, one's own life situation and cultural backgrounds.
In addition to Kübler-Ross, there is further scientific models, which describe different courses of grief:
1. The four stages of grief after Verena Kast
This model is based on the work of Kübler-Ross, but describes the grieving process in four dynamic phases:
- Don't want to believe — The loss is initially denied.
- Breaking emotions — Intense feelings such as anger and pain occur.
- Search and disconnect — The deceased is “searched for” internally and slowly released.
- A new connection to oneself and the world — A new phase of life begins.
Difference from Kübler-Ross: Stronger focus on emotional processing and inner “searching” for the deceased.
2. The model of “grief tasks” according to William Worden
This model assumes that mourners must actively complete four “tasks” in order to live with the loss:
- Accept loss as a reality
- Experience and process grief
- Adapting to a world without the deceased person
- Find a new, inner connection with the deceased and live on
Difference from Kübler-Ross: Grief is not a passive event here, but a active coping process, which can be consciously designed.
3. Grief as a wave movement instead of as fixed phases
Many grief counselors emphasize that grief is not a linear development through fixed phases, but is How waves move:
- Some days are easier, others harder.
- Emotions can come back unexpectedly, even after a long time.
- Memories and anniversaries can trigger waves of grief.
Difference from Kübler-Ross: Not a fixed pattern, but a dynamic and individual process.
How to support yourself or others in grief
Grief is a profound, individual process that takes time. Regardless of whether you are affected yourself or would like to support someone — there is sensitive pathsto deal with grief.
Self-care: How to support yourself during grief
After a loss, many people feel overwhelmed or powerless. It is important to yourself with patience and compassion to encounter.
Practical tips for self-help:
- Allow yourself to grieve — Repressed feelings can prolong the process.
- Seek out exchanges with others — Family, friends, or support groups can provide comfort.
- Find a personal form of remembrance — Rituals such as lighting candles or a memory book help with processing.
- Maintain a certain structure in everyday life — Fixed routines provide support, even if many things seem different.
- Take care of your health — Sleep, diet, and exercise are important for emotional balance.
- Get professional help when needed — If grief persists, grief counseling or therapy can be helpful.
How to help others in grief
When someone around them grieves, many feel insecure: What am I supposed to say? How can I help? Often that counts simple existence more than big words.
Do's — What really helps?
Listen and be there — You don't always have to have a solution, but you have to show compassion.
Express sincere sympathy — A simple “I'm sorry for your loss” is often enough.
Provide practical help — Assistance with household chores or the organization of the funeral can be a major relief.
Don't push mourners to “normality” — Everyone grieves at their own pace.
Don'ts — What should you avoid?
Phrases such as “Time heals all wounds” or “He/she is in a better place” — These can be painful or inappropriate.
Change topics or ignore grief — This signals that the feelings are not being taken seriously.
Apply pressure — “You have to let go now” is not helpful advice.
